Why you should be jealous of my job

I just received an invitation to the Harvey Carter Memorial Double Header Pig Show.

Green with envy, aren't you?

Filth and Foul

I went to Sprawl-Mart the other day to get Christmas presents. (I go to Sprawl-Mart about once every three months or so because there are some things you can only get there and because we have no Target (bastards). We are getting a second Sprawl-Mart because we have enough white trash in this town to support two of them, but yet, no Target.) Anywho...I get home and filthandfoulandfithandfoul, I forgot the main present I went for. And I am not going back.

Luckily, a kind co-worker took pity on me and went to Sprawl-Mart on his lunch hour the next day and bought the present. That's it. He didn't go there because he needed anything. He went because I needed something. How awesome is he?

To pay him back, I wrapped some of his presents for him. I wouldn't let him stay in the room while I did it because he is a little *cough*anal*caugh* about things. How awesome am I?

Hazing!

He got his Bobcat badge! The pin has to be worn upside down until the Scout does a good "turn" then it can be turned upright. The thing is, though, you can't put the pin on upside down. You have to put it on rightside up, so the boy has to be upside down.

The Scout Master told me to take my time so I am pointing to the pocket going "Which pocket? This pocket? Right here? Is this a good spot?".



Ta-Dah! Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a Bobcat.



Some packs won't do this because they consider it hazing. Pishaw, I say. It's fun. The boys all look forward to it and practically run up when it is their turn. Crazy kids.

Now, any suggestions for the "Good Turn"?

Not PC

Christmas Carols for The Psychologically Challeged
(Thanks Katie!)

1) Narcissistic-- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

2) Paranoid---Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us

3) Schizophrenia---- Do You Hear What I Hear -- the Voices, the Voices?
3a) Paranoid-Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear -- the Voices, the Voices ! ! ...and they are blaming everything on ME !!

4) Manic-- Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And...........

5) Multiple Personality Disorder----We Three Queens -- or maybe Kings -- Disoriented Are

6) Amnesia-- I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas

7) Borderline Personality Disorder--- You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna Cry... and I'll not Tell You Why

8) Full Personality Disorder--- Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire

9) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10) Agoraphobia---I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11) Senile Dementia---Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

12) Oppositional Defiant Disorder---I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13) Social Anxiety Disorder---Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

14) Attention Deficit Disorder--We Wish You......Hey Look!! It's Snowing!!!

I've been sick.

Not anything good, though. When the doctor said I had a sinus infection and laryngitis, I replied, "THAT'S IT?! I was hoping for something good."

Doctor - Like double pneumonia?
Me - Exactly.

So while I get my strength back, here is something to entertain you with. Enjoy.

You Were Born Under:

Full of spunk, you are the original party animal. You bring fun, activity, and stimulation to any event. Self-control is not one of your strong points; you have been known to over indulge. Cheerful and energetic, you can turn the most boring thing into something fun. You are most compatible with a Rat or Dragon.

What Year Were You Born Under?

You Should Have Been Born Under:

No worries, you're not really pig-like in your personality. (Though you have been known to have a healthy appetite!) You are highly intelligent - forever studying and gaining knowledge. You have a heart of gold and you are appreciated by many. You are most compatible with a Rabbit or Goat.

What Year Should You Have Been Born Under?

POS

Dear Commander,

Remember this morning when you called and I said Todd and I were trying to figure out which computer to throw into the wall first? There is actually an old military phrase for it - Percussive Maintenance.

Sherry

I actually put my head down and wimpered a little this morning. Damn technology.

Brrrrrrrrr

Mother Nature stopped by yesterday and stayed awhile.



We wound up with 13 inches of snow.



Three of Oklahoma's turnpikes and parts of Interstate 40 were closed. There were hundreds of tractor trailers stranded along I-35 in OKC because they couldn't get on the Turner turnpike. Will Rogers Airport LOST POWER last night. Crazyness.



Temp: 6
Wind Chill: -2
Tossing dog biscuits in the snow purely for your own entertainment: priceless






So, here we are at 10am of "No School - Day Two". (Luckily, my work closed down as well. They kept running the crawl saying we were supposed to go in at 9am this morning. Bull to the sh*t. Finally they decided to close. Good call.) I have managed to get all of the laundry caught up. Now I'll tackle the dishes. Good times. I sent my Blockbuster movies back two days ago so I have nothing to watch! I did manage to find some books I haven't read yet. I'm not looking forward to endless games of Trouble, Sorry, Go Fish, and Candy Land. Maybe I'll teach him to play poker.

Let's talk about me.

This one is fun, so I thought I would pass it along.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate. Nog = Nasty

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree?
Sets them under the tree

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Tree - Multi, House - White

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Damn Skippy

5. When do you put your decorations up?
David usually does the day after Thanksgiving, but since he isn't here, it's kinda hard to get it done.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
My mom's dressing with cranberry sauce. Yummers.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
Getting mad at Santa because my new motorcycle had mud on the wheels.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I'm too old to remember that.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
We used to open one on Christmas Eve when I was little. Now, nope.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Lights go on first! Then garland. Then our eclectic mish-mash of ornaments. (We get a new one for the family each year that signifies something that happened over the past year.) Then our crappy star-topper.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it!

12. Can you ice skate?
I've skated once and I didn't fall down, but I don't think that qualifies as actually being able to ice skate. Roller skate? You betcha.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Well, it danged sure wasn't an electric skillet! (Was it, David?)

14. What's your favorite thing about the holidays?
Christmas songs and giving gifts.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Pie. Any kind.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
The only one we really have is that the kids can't come downstairs on Christmas morning until they hear the Christmas music. David's parents did that. (I guess so they could get all of the candy out of the stockings and eat it themselves. hehehehehe) Christopher is trying to lobby against it.

17. What tops your tree?
Above mentioned crappy star.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Giving, but receiving ain't so bad.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Oh Holy Night. But I have a problem with "fall on your knees.". I think it should be "fall to your knees". Fall on = ooops! Fall to = showing reverence

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yum. They also soothe upset tummys.

21. What's number one on your list this year?
A $750 Tissot T-Touch watch. (Hey, I can dream can't I?)

22. Favorite Christmas movie?
Charlie Brown Christmas.

EUREKA!

Springs, that is.

I loaded up the boys and took a short vacay to Eureka Springs, Arkansas this past weekend.

We went to Turpentine Creek Wildlife Refuge and saw some cuties...





And a not-so-cutie.



This is what can happen when you breed a brother and sister. It was car wreckish. You didn't really want to look, but you just couldn't help it. His brother is very crosseyed, but this guy had other problems as well. He couldn't really controling his front right paw when he walked. It was sad.

We went and saw the Christ of The Ozarks. I felt bad cause I every time I looked at it I wanted to yell, "It was THIS big!"



We came back later that night for "Beyond Dickens". The boys rolled down the hill and Matt wound up with a mouthful of leaves.



He seemed no worse for the wear. He was seen dancin' with the ladies later on.



Hanging with the Bethlehemites and their livestock.



Chris and Katie.



They had a display of 100 Nativity Scenes from around the world. Oddly enough (or if you know me, not oddly at all) I liked this one best. It was bottles covered in foil and painted green. Cool.



This sign was very funny to me, but I have no caption for the photo.



When the "tax collector" asked us for our taxes (tokens we got when we bought the tickets) and our names to put on the tax roll, I told him, "Regina". I finally got to use my fake name!!! Woot! Thanks Pheobe.

I didn't even think about using Anastasia Beaverhausen.

It is official

It is no longer amusing.

Another deck down.

I have no more decks. I'm borrowing one now. It better not screw up.

Gah.

Good times with foam

Two hours at a gymnastics place for a birthday party plus two hours at a church party at another gymnastics place equals "Mom, my legs hurt."

Whyyyyyyyyyy??!?!?!?!?!?!

Dear Electronic Equipment I work with,

Why? What have I done? Was it the move? Do you hate change as much as I do?

First it was the deck jamming. Then it was the computer crashing. Now it is the camera messing up.

Why do you hate me so?
Sherry

Hello Monday, my old friend

Gaaaack.

First, my tape deck not only ate a tape, it jammed that sucker so wonky like, it has to get sent off for repair.

Second, my editing computer is being persnickity and I have restarted it a minimum of five times so far.

I don't think they liked the move.

The Move

The move has went along splendedly. I hope you read that in a sarcastic fashion, for that was the fashion in which it was written.

We pretty much decreased our total office space by 30% or so. The television studio is going to be totally useless for the next couple of weeks. We are having to store things everywhere!

Me? I still have eight boxes to unpack just in my office. Eight. Where did this stuff come from?

Plus, my Platonic Daytime Spouse and I have been split up! I know! How could they do this to us? We used to be six steps apart. Now, not only are we 39 steps apart (I just counted), but he's also in a totally different hallway. We discussed this earlier and we both agree they totally did it on purpose.

On the plus side, I found out that a Chinese restaurant here in town serves Lemon Chicken. Just my all-time fav-or-ite Chinese food. And I have managed to eat it three times in a seven day period. So now my list of favorite foods starts off like this - 1. Doughnuts 2. Lemon Chicken.

Mmmmmm....doughnuts.

Busier than a one-eyed man at a burlesque show.

My office is moving. I have been busy packing. (Good Cow. Where did all this stuff come from?!) Therefore and thusto, I will not be posting much these next couple of weeks. If something inspires me and I'm not totally comatose in the evenings, I might slap something up here.

With that said, here is a little something to keep you until then. Don't read them all at once. Pace yourself.

40 THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit."
2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public"
5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way"
6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."
8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying"
10. "Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."
11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid."
12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn."
14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."
17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."
18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"
20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."
22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."
23. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"
24. "Do I look like a people person?"
25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."
26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."
27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."
31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."
33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"
34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"
36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."
37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"
38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary."
39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
40. "Oh I get it... it's like humour... but different."


I have been saying this "I can't want to." (As in "You have to want to." I can't.)

Love ya like a rock.

Us. In Silhouette.

Me


The Commander and Chris


Chris

Christmas is coming!

For the man who has EVERYTHING!

Happy Day After

Best phrase heard last night:

ALL THE PARK RANGERS AND NINJAS STAY TOGETHER!

What was I thinking?

So, last Friday I went camping with the boys. In a tent. In a wooded area. In 40 something degree weather. In a tent.

We had the car packed and ready to roll, but alas! the battery? She be drained. I got out of the car and walked to the back (why? I don't really know.) and there was a fluid pouring out from under the car! I reached under, dipped my fingers in, and took a whiff. It didn't smell like anything. I called Matt over and we sprawled out on the garage floor. The fluid was coming down from above the spare tire. WTF? I stood up and opened the lift. The carpet in the back of the car was wet. Heh? I didn't even put ice in the cooler so I figured it wasn't that leaking. Then Matt said, "My Camelbak!" Something had come unplugged in his pseudo-Camelbak and had leaked a lot of water out. Luckily it didn't get any of the camping stuff wet, but still, why won't the car start?

We pushed it out of the garage and since my cables were in the storage area under the camping stuff, we jumped it with his sad, sad little jumper cables that had seen way better days. (When we got back from camp, I chunked 'em. He now owns brand new ones.)

Ahhh. Camping. In a tent. It was cold. Chris and I had -5 degree bags, but my feet were still cold. I took a throw and stuffed it down around my feet and that made a world of difference. It took forever for my nose to warm up. (First thing I saw when I woke up the next morning? Four packs of Hot Hands that I had taken out of the car and put beside me JUST IN CASE MY FEET GOT COLD. Totally forgot about them. Cussed myself all day Saturday.)

Between the cold, the leaves and acorns dropping on the tent, the snoring in the tent next to us, the racoons, the coyotes, and Chris sitting up in bed, jabbing his fist into the air and yelling, "Tough Guys!" in his sleep, I didn't sleep that much. Go figure.

But I made it. And I just may go again. But only with one of these. And some earplugs.

Woot!

Guess what I did last week.

Here's a hint.



The Boy kept calling them the Rolling Rocks.

The next day, we saw some stuff that was older than they are (we think).



By the way, when you are up this high, there is a severe drop in the level of oxygen. My lungs tried to revolt. It wasn't pleasant.