Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Why you should be jealous of my job

I just received an invitation to the Harvey Carter Memorial Double Header Pig Show.

Green with envy, aren't you?

Friday, December 15, 2006

Filth and Foul

I went to Sprawl-Mart the other day to get Christmas presents. (I go to Sprawl-Mart about once every three months or so because there are some things you can only get there and because we have no Target (bastards). We are getting a second Sprawl-Mart because we have enough white trash in this town to support two of them, but yet, no Target.) Anywho...I get home and filthandfoulandfithandfoul, I forgot the main present I went for. And I am not going back.

Luckily, a kind co-worker took pity on me and went to Sprawl-Mart on his lunch hour the next day and bought the present. That's it. He didn't go there because he needed anything. He went because I needed something. How awesome is he?

To pay him back, I wrapped some of his presents for him. I wouldn't let him stay in the room while I did it because he is a little *cough*anal*caugh* about things. How awesome am I?


He got his Bobcat badge! The pin has to be worn upside down until the Scout does a good "turn" then it can be turned upright. The thing is, though, you can't put the pin on upside down. You have to put it on rightside up, so the boy has to be upside down.

The Scout Master told me to take my time so I am pointing to the pocket going "Which pocket? This pocket? Right here? Is this a good spot?".

Ta-Dah! Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a Bobcat.

Some packs won't do this because they consider it hazing. Pishaw, I say. It's fun. The boys all look forward to it and practically run up when it is their turn. Crazy kids.

Now, any suggestions for the "Good Turn"?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Not PC

Christmas Carols for The Psychologically Challeged
(Thanks Katie!)

1) Narcissistic-- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

2) Paranoid---Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us

3) Schizophrenia---- Do You Hear What I Hear -- the Voices, the Voices?
3a) Paranoid-Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear -- the Voices, the Voices ! ! ...and they are blaming everything on ME !!

4) Manic-- Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And...........

5) Multiple Personality Disorder----We Three Queens -- or maybe Kings -- Disoriented Are

6) Amnesia-- I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas

7) Borderline Personality Disorder--- You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna Cry... and I'll not Tell You Why

8) Full Personality Disorder--- Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire

9) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10) Agoraphobia---I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11) Senile Dementia---Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

12) Oppositional Defiant Disorder---I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13) Social Anxiety Disorder---Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

14) Attention Deficit Disorder--We Wish You......Hey Look!! It's Snowing!!!

Monday, December 11, 2006

I've been sick.

Not anything good, though. When the doctor said I had a sinus infection and laryngitis, I replied, "THAT'S IT?! I was hoping for something good."

Doctor - Like double pneumonia?
Me - Exactly.

So while I get my strength back, here is something to entertain you with. Enjoy.

You Were Born Under:

Full of spunk, you are the original party animal.
You bring fun, activity, and stimulation to any event.
Self-control is not one of your strong points; you have been known to over indulge.
Cheerful and energetic, you can turn the most boring thing into something fun.

You are most compatible with a Rat or Dragon.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

No worries, you're not really pig-like in your personality.
(Though you have been known to have a healthy appetite!)
You are highly intelligent - forever studying and gaining knowledge.
You have a heart of gold and you are appreciated by many.

You are most compatible with a Rabbit or Goat.

Monday, December 04, 2006


Dear Commander,

Remember this morning when you called and I said Todd and I were trying to figure out which computer to throw into the wall first? There is actually an old military phrase for it - Percussive Maintenance.


I actually put my head down and wimpered a little this morning. Damn technology.

Friday, December 01, 2006


Mother Nature stopped by yesterday and stayed awhile.

We wound up with 13 inches of snow.

Three of Oklahoma's turnpikes and parts of Interstate 40 were closed. There were hundreds of tractor trailers stranded along I-35 in OKC because they couldn't get on the Turner turnpike. Will Rogers Airport LOST POWER last night. Crazyness.

Temp: 6
Wind Chill: -2
Tossing dog biscuits in the snow purely for your own entertainment: priceless

So, here we are at 10am of "No School - Day Two". (Luckily, my work closed down as well. They kept running the crawl saying we were supposed to go in at 9am this morning. Bull to the sh*t. Finally they decided to close. Good call.) I have managed to get all of the laundry caught up. Now I'll tackle the dishes. Good times. I sent my Blockbuster movies back two days ago so I have nothing to watch! I did manage to find some books I haven't read yet. I'm not looking forward to endless games of Trouble, Sorry, Go Fish, and Candy Land. Maybe I'll teach him to play poker.