Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Why you should be jealous of my job

I just received an invitation to the Harvey Carter Memorial Double Header Pig Show.

Green with envy, aren't you?

Friday, December 15, 2006

Filth and Foul

I went to Sprawl-Mart the other day to get Christmas presents. (I go to Sprawl-Mart about once every three months or so because there are some things you can only get there and because we have no Target (bastards). We are getting a second Sprawl-Mart because we have enough white trash in this town to support two of them, but yet, no Target.) Anywho...I get home and filthandfoulandfithandfoul, I forgot the main present I went for. And I am not going back.

Luckily, a kind co-worker took pity on me and went to Sprawl-Mart on his lunch hour the next day and bought the present. That's it. He didn't go there because he needed anything. He went because I needed something. How awesome is he?

To pay him back, I wrapped some of his presents for him. I wouldn't let him stay in the room while I did it because he is a little *cough*anal*caugh* about things. How awesome am I?


He got his Bobcat badge! The pin has to be worn upside down until the Scout does a good "turn" then it can be turned upright. The thing is, though, you can't put the pin on upside down. You have to put it on rightside up, so the boy has to be upside down.

The Scout Master told me to take my time so I am pointing to the pocket going "Which pocket? This pocket? Right here? Is this a good spot?".

Ta-Dah! Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a Bobcat.

Some packs won't do this because they consider it hazing. Pishaw, I say. It's fun. The boys all look forward to it and practically run up when it is their turn. Crazy kids.

Now, any suggestions for the "Good Turn"?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Not PC

Christmas Carols for The Psychologically Challeged
(Thanks Katie!)

1) Narcissistic-- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

2) Paranoid---Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us

3) Schizophrenia---- Do You Hear What I Hear -- the Voices, the Voices?
3a) Paranoid-Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear -- the Voices, the Voices ! ! ...and they are blaming everything on ME !!

4) Manic-- Deck The Halls And Walls And House And Lawn And Streets And Stores And Office And Town And Cars And Buses And Trucks And Trees And Fire Hydrants And...........

5) Multiple Personality Disorder----We Three Queens -- or maybe Kings -- Disoriented Are

6) Amnesia-- I Don't Remember If I'll be Home for Christmas

7) Borderline Personality Disorder--- You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I'm Gonna Cry... and I'll not Tell You Why

8) Full Personality Disorder--- Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire

9) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

10) Agoraphobia---I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

11) Senile Dementia---Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

12) Oppositional Defiant Disorder---I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

13) Social Anxiety Disorder---Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

14) Attention Deficit Disorder--We Wish You......Hey Look!! It's Snowing!!!

Monday, December 11, 2006

I've been sick.

Not anything good, though. When the doctor said I had a sinus infection and laryngitis, I replied, "THAT'S IT?! I was hoping for something good."

Doctor - Like double pneumonia?
Me - Exactly.

So while I get my strength back, here is something to entertain you with. Enjoy.

You Were Born Under:

Full of spunk, you are the original party animal.
You bring fun, activity, and stimulation to any event.
Self-control is not one of your strong points; you have been known to over indulge.
Cheerful and energetic, you can turn the most boring thing into something fun.

You are most compatible with a Rat or Dragon.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

No worries, you're not really pig-like in your personality.
(Though you have been known to have a healthy appetite!)
You are highly intelligent - forever studying and gaining knowledge.
You have a heart of gold and you are appreciated by many.

You are most compatible with a Rabbit or Goat.

Monday, December 04, 2006


Dear Commander,

Remember this morning when you called and I said Todd and I were trying to figure out which computer to throw into the wall first? There is actually an old military phrase for it - Percussive Maintenance.


I actually put my head down and wimpered a little this morning. Damn technology.

Friday, December 01, 2006


Mother Nature stopped by yesterday and stayed awhile.

We wound up with 13 inches of snow.

Three of Oklahoma's turnpikes and parts of Interstate 40 were closed. There were hundreds of tractor trailers stranded along I-35 in OKC because they couldn't get on the Turner turnpike. Will Rogers Airport LOST POWER last night. Crazyness.

Temp: 6
Wind Chill: -2
Tossing dog biscuits in the snow purely for your own entertainment: priceless

So, here we are at 10am of "No School - Day Two". (Luckily, my work closed down as well. They kept running the crawl saying we were supposed to go in at 9am this morning. Bull to the sh*t. Finally they decided to close. Good call.) I have managed to get all of the laundry caught up. Now I'll tackle the dishes. Good times. I sent my Blockbuster movies back two days ago so I have nothing to watch! I did manage to find some books I haven't read yet. I'm not looking forward to endless games of Trouble, Sorry, Go Fish, and Candy Land. Maybe I'll teach him to play poker.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Let's talk about me.

This one is fun, so I thought I would pass it along.

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate. Nog = Nasty

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree?
Sets them under the tree

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Tree - Multi, House - White

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Damn Skippy

5. When do you put your decorations up?
David usually does the day after Thanksgiving, but since he isn't here, it's kinda hard to get it done.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
My mom's dressing with cranberry sauce. Yummers.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child?
Getting mad at Santa because my new motorcycle had mud on the wheels.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I'm too old to remember that.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
We used to open one on Christmas Eve when I was little. Now, nope.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Lights go on first! Then garland. Then our eclectic mish-mash of ornaments. (We get a new one for the family each year that signifies something that happened over the past year.) Then our crappy star-topper.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it!

12. Can you ice skate?
I've skated once and I didn't fall down, but I don't think that qualifies as actually being able to ice skate. Roller skate? You betcha.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Well, it danged sure wasn't an electric skillet! (Was it, David?)

14. What's your favorite thing about the holidays?
Christmas songs and giving gifts.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Pie. Any kind.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
The only one we really have is that the kids can't come downstairs on Christmas morning until they hear the Christmas music. David's parents did that. (I guess so they could get all of the candy out of the stockings and eat it themselves. hehehehehe) Christopher is trying to lobby against it.

17. What tops your tree?
Above mentioned crappy star.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Giving, but receiving ain't so bad.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Oh Holy Night. But I have a problem with "fall on your knees.". I think it should be "fall to your knees". Fall on = ooops! Fall to = showing reverence

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yum. They also soothe upset tummys.

21. What's number one on your list this year?
A $750 Tissot T-Touch watch. (Hey, I can dream can't I?)

22. Favorite Christmas movie?
Charlie Brown Christmas.

Monday, November 27, 2006


Springs, that is.

I loaded up the boys and took a short vacay to Eureka Springs, Arkansas this past weekend.

We went to Turpentine Creek Wildlife Refuge and saw some cuties...

And a not-so-cutie.

This is what can happen when you breed a brother and sister. It was car wreckish. You didn't really want to look, but you just couldn't help it. His brother is very crosseyed, but this guy had other problems as well. He couldn't really controling his front right paw when he walked. It was sad.

We went and saw the Christ of The Ozarks. I felt bad cause I every time I looked at it I wanted to yell, "It was THIS big!"

We came back later that night for "Beyond Dickens". The boys rolled down the hill and Matt wound up with a mouthful of leaves.

He seemed no worse for the wear. He was seen dancin' with the ladies later on.

Hanging with the Bethlehemites and their livestock.

Chris and Katie.

They had a display of 100 Nativity Scenes from around the world. Oddly enough (or if you know me, not oddly at all) I liked this one best. It was bottles covered in foil and painted green. Cool.

This sign was very funny to me, but I have no caption for the photo.

When the "tax collector" asked us for our taxes (tokens we got when we bought the tickets) and our names to put on the tax roll, I told him, "Regina". I finally got to use my fake name!!! Woot! Thanks Pheobe.

I didn't even think about using Anastasia Beaverhausen.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

It is official

It is no longer amusing.

Another deck down.

I have no more decks. I'm borrowing one now. It better not screw up.


Good times with foam

Two hours at a gymnastics place for a birthday party plus two hours at a church party at another gymnastics place equals "Mom, my legs hurt."


Dear Electronic Equipment I work with,

Why? What have I done? Was it the move? Do you hate change as much as I do?

First it was the deck jamming. Then it was the computer crashing. Now it is the camera messing up.

Why do you hate me so?

Monday, November 20, 2006

Hello Monday, my old friend


First, my tape deck not only ate a tape, it jammed that sucker so wonky like, it has to get sent off for repair.

Second, my editing computer is being persnickity and I have restarted it a minimum of five times so far.

I don't think they liked the move.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

The Move

The move has went along splendedly. I hope you read that in a sarcastic fashion, for that was the fashion in which it was written.

We pretty much decreased our total office space by 30% or so. The television studio is going to be totally useless for the next couple of weeks. We are having to store things everywhere!

Me? I still have eight boxes to unpack just in my office. Eight. Where did this stuff come from?

Plus, my Platonic Daytime Spouse and I have been split up! I know! How could they do this to us? We used to be six steps apart. Now, not only are we 39 steps apart (I just counted), but he's also in a totally different hallway. We discussed this earlier and we both agree they totally did it on purpose.

On the plus side, I found out that a Chinese restaurant here in town serves Lemon Chicken. Just my all-time fav-or-ite Chinese food. And I have managed to eat it three times in a seven day period. So now my list of favorite foods starts off like this - 1. Doughnuts 2. Lemon Chicken.


Thursday, November 09, 2006

Busier than a one-eyed man at a burlesque show.

My office is moving. I have been busy packing. (Good Cow. Where did all this stuff come from?!) Therefore and thusto, I will not be posting much these next couple of weeks. If something inspires me and I'm not totally comatose in the evenings, I might slap something up here.

With that said, here is a little something to keep you until then. Don't read them all at once. Pace yourself.


1. "I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit."
2. "I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."
3. "How about never? Is never good for you?"
4. "I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public"
5. "I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way"
6. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."
7. "I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."
8. "I don't work here. I'm a consultant."
9. "It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying"
10. "Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again."
11. "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid."
12. "You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers."
13. "I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn."
14. "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
15. "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you."
16. "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."
17. "The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."
18. "Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental."
19. "What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?"
20. "I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."
21. "It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off."
22. "Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial."
23. "And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?"
24. "Do I look like a people person?"
25. "This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."
26. "I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left."
27. "Sarcasm is just one more service we offer."
28. "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"
29. "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."
30. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed."
31. "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
32. "A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door."
33. "Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?"
34. "Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
35. "Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?"
36. "Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done."
37. "How do I set a laser printer to stun?"
38. "I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary."
39. "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
40. "Oh I get it... it's like humour... but different."

I have been saying this "I can't want to." (As in "You have to want to." I can't.)

Love ya like a rock.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Us. In Silhouette.


The Commander and Chris


Thursday, November 02, 2006

Christmas is coming!

For the man who has EVERYTHING!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Happy Day After

Best phrase heard last night:


Tuesday, October 31, 2006

What was I thinking?

So, last Friday I went camping with the boys. In a tent. In a wooded area. In 40 something degree weather. In a tent.

We had the car packed and ready to roll, but alas! the battery? She be drained. I got out of the car and walked to the back (why? I don't really know.) and there was a fluid pouring out from under the car! I reached under, dipped my fingers in, and took a whiff. It didn't smell like anything. I called Matt over and we sprawled out on the garage floor. The fluid was coming down from above the spare tire. WTF? I stood up and opened the lift. The carpet in the back of the car was wet. Heh? I didn't even put ice in the cooler so I figured it wasn't that leaking. Then Matt said, "My Camelbak!" Something had come unplugged in his pseudo-Camelbak and had leaked a lot of water out. Luckily it didn't get any of the camping stuff wet, but still, why won't the car start?

We pushed it out of the garage and since my cables were in the storage area under the camping stuff, we jumped it with his sad, sad little jumper cables that had seen way better days. (When we got back from camp, I chunked 'em. He now owns brand new ones.)

Ahhh. Camping. In a tent. It was cold. Chris and I had -5 degree bags, but my feet were still cold. I took a throw and stuffed it down around my feet and that made a world of difference. It took forever for my nose to warm up. (First thing I saw when I woke up the next morning? Four packs of Hot Hands that I had taken out of the car and put beside me JUST IN CASE MY FEET GOT COLD. Totally forgot about them. Cussed myself all day Saturday.)

Between the cold, the leaves and acorns dropping on the tent, the snoring in the tent next to us, the racoons, the coyotes, and Chris sitting up in bed, jabbing his fist into the air and yelling, "Tough Guys!" in his sleep, I didn't sleep that much. Go figure.

But I made it. And I just may go again. But only with one of these. And some earplugs.

Monday, October 23, 2006


Guess what I did last week.

Here's a hint.

The Boy kept calling them the Rolling Rocks.

The next day, we saw some stuff that was older than they are (we think).

By the way, when you are up this high, there is a severe drop in the level of oxygen. My lungs tried to revolt. It wasn't pleasant.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Won't you be my neighbor?

Google Earth finally started focusing on my area, so I thought I would share with you.
(The house to our north should be for sale in the next year or so. You'd like living next door to me. I share my booze.)

Click on image to biggify.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Crap, then non crap

Crap - It is official. The Commander got his orders for 365 more days of being away from his family.

Non Crap - I reserved a hotel room in NYC for next Easter weekend. I haven't made the airline reservation yet, but the plan is to get there on Thursday early afternoon, free time the rest of the day, free time all day Friday, Bonus Son and the orchestra play at Carnegie Hall on Saturday morning at 9:30 and 11:30, free time the rest of the day, and fly home on Sunday. Fun is to be expected. By the way, if you need me that weekend, I'll be here.
Duh Ashley

If you need a chuckle, this will do it.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Assistance Needed

I need to buy a family tent.

I would like to be able to stand upright inside of it.

Got suggestions?

Fun and games 'til someone dies

The Boy - Mom, can a tornado really suck stuff up?
Me - Yes.
B - You think it would be fun to be sucked up in one?
M - No. It is very dangerous and you could die.
B - {pause} Well, besides all that.
M - I guess it would be until it dropped you.
B - Yeah! You would need a parachute then!

Friday, September 29, 2006

I'm Personable!

Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"


You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.


You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.


You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Last I heard...

Got this from Miss Zoot.

You use your search engine (I use Blingo. Join me, won't you? I've won four times! Click the link down on the left.) and put in your name and "last I heard he/she was". Then you can see what you have been up to lately.

Sherry "Last I heard she was"

Last I heard she was in Bedfordshire but originally from Essex.
Quite so. High tea in the parlor makes me hollar.

Last I heard she was in Big D, she's gone from there now.
Hello, I'm in Bedfordshire.

Last I heard, she was going to have a psychological evaluation and might not end up in jail.
Ha. If they ever find me in Bedfordshire.

Last I heard she was staying in a beach hut down the Mexican coast having a great time.
Uh, no I'm not. I'm in Bedfordshire. Bedforshire. Not Mexico.

Last I heard she was in the Army and blew out her knee.
I hope it was my bad knee.

Last I heard she was marrying a Sergeant from the Army.
My physical therapist who works on my knee. (Don't tell the Commander.)

Last I heard she was deployed to the Gulf to fly helicopters in the National Guard.
If I can pass my physical. Damn knee.

Last I heard she was sleepin' rough
Down on the Darby beat
I have nothing to add to this.

Last I heard she was considering adopting not only a baby, but also the baby's teenage mom.
Hey! A two for one sale.

Last I heard she was taking legal action.
Yeah, I need some cash.

Last I heard she was collecting all things mod and searching desperately for vinyl dresses and white thigh-high boots.
So I can look good for the trial.

Last I heard she was worth only $7 million.

Last I heard she was in intensive care on a nitro glycerin drip.
Wouldn't you be if you just found out you were worth $7 million smackers?

Last I heard she was trapped in a dimension where she is punished and suffers only to an end for which she is resuscitated, and then punished again by the do-gooders of the Double Dragon UNIVERSE in an infinite loop of cruel irony!
I hate irony.

Last I heard she was seen at a Jerry Falwell prayer meeting early this morning.
So I can wave my $7 million in the air and yell, "And you aren't getting a cent, Mister!

Boy, I have been busy. What about you?

Monday, September 25, 2006

Party like it's your birthday

People, people, people. What is it with you and these freaky baby names?

We attended a birthday party yesterday for a friend's little girl. I kid you not, there were kids there named - Montrey, Django, and Scotland. WTF?

Montrey - girl, forgot to ask where the name was from

Django - boy, I did ask and found out he was named for Django Reinhardt

Scotland - girl, asked and found out ancestors were from Scotland (Wouldn't it have been easier to just give her a good Scottish name like "Una" (Winifred), "Eithne" (Anna), "Meadhbh" (Maeve), or "Fionnaghal (Fiona)?)

Totally fell in love with my friend's niece who belongs to this woman. Almost tucked her under my arm and took her home with me.

The boy fell in love with my friend's brother brother's go-cart.

Most, if not all, of the women there were the stay at home/home school moms that I have TOTALLY NOTHING IN COMMON WITH! Good times.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Cry me a river

Build a bridge and get over it.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Why I like Rat

Click to biggify.

Wow. It's been that long?

12 years. Who'd a thunk it?

Last Anniversary was spent at his mobilization ceremony. (I don't know why it is called a "ceremony". They need to call it "A meeting where fluff is said and everyone's heart is ripped out, thrown to the ground, and stomped on with those huge military boots.") Then he bought me a car, so it kinda evened out.

This Anniversary, I get to go down and see him! He asked last night what I wanted to do and I couldn't think of anything. Just being with him will be good. If he wants to take me somewhere and buy me stuff...I'm not gonna ruin his happiness by telling him "no". That's how nice I am. I'm a giver.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

That's MRS. Dirty Charity Vane to you.

My pirate name is:

Dirty Charity Vane

You're the pirate everyone else wants to throw in the ocean -- not to get rid of you, you understand; just to get rid of the smell. You tend to blend into the background occaisionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from
part of the network

New Tattoo

What do you think?

Friday, September 15, 2006

Friday Boast Post

Don't jinx it, but I had to sign a consent form for the boy to be tested for enrichment at school. His teacher told me he is really smart and that he could really benefit from it. She apologized to me because he gets bored in class. Woot! Test away, people!
{{{Fingers Crossed!}}}

Of course while I was filling out the form, I messed up on the address part. Figures.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Do I know you?

Dear Mixmania Friend,

Have we met? 'Cause some pretty freaky-freakiness happened when I got my CD yesterday...

I ran home from work to change clothes before going bowling. My CD was in the mailbox. Woot. I ripped the card off of the front and zoinks! the picture on it is a woman bowling!

And then? the cool protective cardboard was cut from my favorite box of cereal - Honey Bunches of Oats w/Almonds.

I popped the CD into the player and listened on my way to the bowling alley. Bridge over Troubled Waters! One of my faves. Never heard Johnny Cash sing it before though. Liked it.

Listened some more on the way home and then took it to my bedroom to listen to as I fell asleep. Naked Eyes. Always Something There to Remind Me. I ab-so-freakin'-lootly love this song. I included it on the one I sent out. But wait! America the Beautiful by Ray Charles. Also on the one I sent out.

I was thrilled with my CD. I didn't recognize all of the songs, but I knew most of the artists.

Thank you!

Monday, September 11, 2006

My Mix

9/11 Mix Mania

2,996 people died five years ago. It isn’t those people I think about when I think about that day. I think about the ones left behind. For every one of those 2,996 people who died, there are loved ones still here - parents, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, kids, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. Countless people touched by that day.

This CD is for them.

1. You Are My Sunshine – Ray Charles
When my son was born, this is the song I sang to him every night. He is my sunshine and I can’t imagine him ever being gone.

2. He Was in Heaven Before He Died – John Prine
“A person can’t tell his best friend he loves him.” Do so. Every day.

3. Photographs & Memories – Jim Croce

4. Every Mother’s Son – Matt Dusk

5. There You’ll Be – Faith Hill

6. Birdhouse in Your Soul – They Might Be Giants
An odd song to choose, but I like it.

7. Always Something There to Remind Me – Naked Eyes
This is one of my most favorite songs ever.

8. My Favorite Memory – Merle Haggard

9. How High Did You Go? – John Conlee
How do you want to be remembered?

10. Return to Me – Dean Martin
I love the song and I really love the movie. I don’t cry at movies much, but I cry at least three times each time I watch it.

11. Painter Song – Norah Jones

12. Seasons of Love – Rent
How do you measure a year in the life?

13. Hold On - R. Kelly

14. Shower The People You Love – James Taylor

15. If Tomorrow Never Comes – Garth Brooks

16. Let The Day Begin – The Call
I love this song. The Boy likes it too.

17. America The Beautiful – Ray Charles
It is.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

At Dick's Automotive

Me and the boy were on our way home from grocery shopping last night when I saw a deer standing next to a telephone pole.

Me - A deer!
Boy - Where?
Me - We passed it. I'll turn around and go back.

We get back to where the deer was and since there were no other cars around, I stopped so we could gawk. (It isn't like we don't ever see wildlife. The things are everywhere. But we like to say hi and scare the bejesus out of them.) The deer was still there and a little further back was a wee baby deer. Cool!

We drove on, turned around and started back. I slowed down when we got near the deer sighting area. The baby was still there, but the bigger deer was gone.

Hmmmm...reminded me of a song.

Boy - MooooOOOOOoooooom


Thursday, August 31, 2006

WooHoo! The County Fair!

The Good
Pineapple Whip

The Bad
Ticket Prices

The Ugly
OMG The Ugly. Where do these people come from? You never see them any other day of the year (thank goodness). I saw a lady pushing a stroller with a 3 year old(ish) little girl in it. The woman had on a shirt that said "Very Kissable" on the front. So, I glanced up to see what was so kissable about her. I immediately took off my glasses and made jabbing motions toward my eyeballs. My friend D started laughing and said, "I was wondering why you took your glasses off." I told her I was trying to jab my eyes out to erase the image I just saw. This woman could have been anywhere from 30 to 70 years old. She was slim, but that was about the only thing going for her. She had bright blue eyeshadow troweled on her lids. Her eyebrow was pierced with I don't know what kind of jewelry hanging off of it. Very bleached hair. I don't think that color occurs naturally anywhere on Earth. A cigarette precariously hanging from her lips as she is trying to talk to the little girl. And the wrinkles. OMG the wrinkles.

I must go jab at my eyeballs some more.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Theatre (that's with an "re") Snob

I'm am so psyched over going to NYC. I'm hoping we can get tickets to something on Broadway. The Commander is a GINORMOUS Phantom of The Opera fan. (Don't tell him I told you.)

Cats is are is coming to Tulsa. I might take the boys to see it. I'll have to squeeze it in between Orchestra, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, and Cross Country. Not a prob.

I bought season tickets the other night. They rock. I used to have season tickets every year, but I've slacked the past couple. But now? I'm back. Some of their work I have enjoyed - Pirates of Penzance, Medea, Rumors, Dolls House, Comed of Errors, Two Gentlemen of Verona, and The Mikado. They did a smash-up (see? snob word useage) job with Verona and Mikado.

We are going to OKC to see The Rock and The Rabbi next month.

And in October? Sweeney Todd! I won't take the kiddos to that, but I've already bought the tickets. Wanna go with me?

High tea in the parlor makes the ladies holla.

Tea Partay

Friday, August 25, 2006

Toot! Toot!

Here's how our Monday evening goes.

Pick up the boy from after school care.
Run home, change clothes, go to the bowling alley.
Feed boy (yes, at the bowling alley. shut up)
Babysitter comes and picks up boy.
I bowl.
They do whatever (park, library, store, etc) and we meet back up at our house.

One of our work-studies has been wanting to babysit, but she had classes on Monday night. This semester? Golden!

She has an unusual name and the boy had the hardest time remembering it.

BB - {whispers} What's her name?
Me - "Name goes here"
Babysitter - You can just call me "T".
BB - Can I call you "Tootie McToot-Toot"?
Babysitter - Uhhhh. Okay.

He has now told me to find something to do so Tootie came come and watch him. MY KID IS KICKING ME OUT OF THE HOUSE SO HE CAN HANG WITH THE BABYSITTER!

Should I be offended?

*Tootie is not her name. It's not even close.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

WTF? Wednesday

One of the things that makes SHERRYPG say, "WTF?"

Pepsi Jizz Jazz Strawberries and Cream.

Ick. Yuck. Blech. Nasty.

Dear Pepsi,

Seriously, did you have a taste panel for this? Or did you just think to yourself, "Self, this sounds like a winning combination. Let's do it."? 'Cause it tastes crappy.

For reals.


Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I have an announcement

Aack. Shorty's turning 16! Just yesterday he was my little 4-year-old ring bearer. Now he's my 5' 11 1/2" driving down the road teenager! Wha happ'n?

He's going to Carnegie Hall next spring. (I'm going too! As an audience member not a chaperone, thankyouverymuch.)

He's going to be an Eagle Scout.

But he still isn't too bershon to play with his little brother.

I heart him. Now wish him a Happy Birthday!

Monday, August 21, 2006

I heard this at church...

Three churches, right next door to each other, were having problems with squirrels.

The first church removed all of the food from the kitchen and the squirrels left. But they had to have food in the church for fellowship and such, so the food came back, and so did the squirrels.

The second church trapped all of the squirrels, painted their tails red, and took them far out into the country and dumped them. But the squirrels managed to find their way back.

The third church pretty solved the problem. They trapped all of the squirrels, baptised them and made them members of the church, and now they only show up at Christmas and Easter.

(or something to that effect. I'm a bad joke rememberer)

Friday, August 18, 2006

Post #175. Enjoy.

From my friend PNELLE. I miss you!

New Rules by George Carlin

New Rule #1 : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule #2 : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili . Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule #3 : Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule #4 : If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule #5 : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule #6 : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule #7 : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ass hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ass hole.

New Rule #8 : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule #9 : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high, stupid, or both.

New Rule #10 : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule #11 : I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule #12 : No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Freaky Freaky

The Marching Band practices in front of the Stupid Onion Student Union every morning. I love marching bands.

Just now as I came out of the SU, the University's President and his Right Hand Man were leaving as well. So as I am walking back to my building, the President is on my left, the marching band is further on to the left playing the Fight Song, and just as they are ending the song, the Library Bell Tower to my right starts playing the Alma Mater.

A trifecta?

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Awwww and Gaaaack!

First of all...Look what the Commander got for me! Ain't he sweet?

Now the important stuff.

FIRST GRADE! FIRST GRADE! Can you believe it?

Why he picked a backpack that is half his size, I'll never know. Wait, I do know - "cause it has lots of pockets and a couple of extra little cases the you can clip to it." Still, it's HUGE.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

American Heroes

Set to Adiemus, by Enya. Produced by Kris McKenna, a Deputy Sheriff for Somerset County, ME.

Say Thanks!

Here they are.

Here are my crowns.

The smiley face was put on a couple of years ago. The paw print was put on last week. I don't like it as well as the face. A different person made it. I would have made the pad smaller and the toes a little bigger.

What do you think? (click on pic to biggify)