Thursday, August 31, 2006

WooHoo! The County Fair!

The Good
Pineapple Whip

The Bad
Ticket Prices

The Ugly
OMG The Ugly. Where do these people come from? You never see them any other day of the year (thank goodness). I saw a lady pushing a stroller with a 3 year old(ish) little girl in it. The woman had on a shirt that said "Very Kissable" on the front. So, I glanced up to see what was so kissable about her. I immediately took off my glasses and made jabbing motions toward my eyeballs. My friend D started laughing and said, "I was wondering why you took your glasses off." I told her I was trying to jab my eyes out to erase the image I just saw. This woman could have been anywhere from 30 to 70 years old. She was slim, but that was about the only thing going for her. She had bright blue eyeshadow troweled on her lids. Her eyebrow was pierced with I don't know what kind of jewelry hanging off of it. Very bleached hair. I don't think that color occurs naturally anywhere on Earth. A cigarette precariously hanging from her lips as she is trying to talk to the little girl. And the wrinkles. OMG the wrinkles.

I must go jab at my eyeballs some more.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Theatre (that's with an "re") Snob

I'm am so psyched over going to NYC. I'm hoping we can get tickets to something on Broadway. The Commander is a GINORMOUS Phantom of The Opera fan. (Don't tell him I told you.)

Cats is are is coming to Tulsa. I might take the boys to see it. I'll have to squeeze it in between Orchestra, Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, and Cross Country. Not a prob.

I bought season tickets the other night. They rock. I used to have season tickets every year, but I've slacked the past couple. But now? I'm back. Some of their work I have enjoyed - Pirates of Penzance, Medea, Rumors, Dolls House, Comed of Errors, Two Gentlemen of Verona, and The Mikado. They did a smash-up (see? snob word useage) job with Verona and Mikado.

We are going to OKC to see The Rock and The Rabbi next month.

And in October? Sweeney Todd! I won't take the kiddos to that, but I've already bought the tickets. Wanna go with me?

High tea in the parlor makes the ladies holla.

Tea Partay

Friday, August 25, 2006

Toot! Toot!

Here's how our Monday evening goes.

Pick up the boy from after school care.
Run home, change clothes, go to the bowling alley.
Feed boy (yes, at the bowling alley. shut up)
Babysitter comes and picks up boy.
I bowl.
They do whatever (park, library, store, etc) and we meet back up at our house.

One of our work-studies has been wanting to babysit, but she had classes on Monday night. This semester? Golden!

She has an unusual name and the boy had the hardest time remembering it.

BB - {whispers} What's her name?
Me - "Name goes here"
Babysitter - You can just call me "T".
BB - Can I call you "Tootie McToot-Toot"?
Babysitter - Uhhhh. Okay.

He has now told me to find something to do so Tootie came come and watch him. MY KID IS KICKING ME OUT OF THE HOUSE SO HE CAN HANG WITH THE BABYSITTER!

Should I be offended?

*Tootie is not her name. It's not even close.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

WTF? Wednesday

One of the things that makes SHERRYPG say, "WTF?"

Pepsi Jizz Jazz Strawberries and Cream.

Ick. Yuck. Blech. Nasty.

Dear Pepsi,

Seriously, did you have a taste panel for this? Or did you just think to yourself, "Self, this sounds like a winning combination. Let's do it."? 'Cause it tastes crappy.

For reals.


Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I have an announcement

Aack. Shorty's turning 16! Just yesterday he was my little 4-year-old ring bearer. Now he's my 5' 11 1/2" driving down the road teenager! Wha happ'n?

He's going to Carnegie Hall next spring. (I'm going too! As an audience member not a chaperone, thankyouverymuch.)

He's going to be an Eagle Scout.

But he still isn't too bershon to play with his little brother.

I heart him. Now wish him a Happy Birthday!

Monday, August 21, 2006

I heard this at church...

Three churches, right next door to each other, were having problems with squirrels.

The first church removed all of the food from the kitchen and the squirrels left. But they had to have food in the church for fellowship and such, so the food came back, and so did the squirrels.

The second church trapped all of the squirrels, painted their tails red, and took them far out into the country and dumped them. But the squirrels managed to find their way back.

The third church pretty solved the problem. They trapped all of the squirrels, baptised them and made them members of the church, and now they only show up at Christmas and Easter.

(or something to that effect. I'm a bad joke rememberer)

Friday, August 18, 2006

Post #175. Enjoy.

From my friend PNELLE. I miss you!

New Rules by George Carlin

New Rule #1 : Stop giving me that pop-up ad for There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule #2 : Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili . Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule #3 : Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule #4 : If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule #5 : Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule #6 : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule #7 : The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ass hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge ass hole.

New Rule #8 : I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule #9 : Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high, stupid, or both.

New Rule #10 : Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule #11 : I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule #12 : No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Freaky Freaky

The Marching Band practices in front of the Stupid Onion Student Union every morning. I love marching bands.

Just now as I came out of the SU, the University's President and his Right Hand Man were leaving as well. So as I am walking back to my building, the President is on my left, the marching band is further on to the left playing the Fight Song, and just as they are ending the song, the Library Bell Tower to my right starts playing the Alma Mater.

A trifecta?

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Awwww and Gaaaack!

First of all...Look what the Commander got for me! Ain't he sweet?

Now the important stuff.

FIRST GRADE! FIRST GRADE! Can you believe it?

Why he picked a backpack that is half his size, I'll never know. Wait, I do know - "cause it has lots of pockets and a couple of extra little cases the you can clip to it." Still, it's HUGE.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

American Heroes

Set to Adiemus, by Enya. Produced by Kris McKenna, a Deputy Sheriff for Somerset County, ME.

Say Thanks!

Here they are.

Here are my crowns.

The smiley face was put on a couple of years ago. The paw print was put on last week. I don't like it as well as the face. A different person made it. I would have made the pad smaller and the toes a little bigger.

What do you think? (click on pic to biggify)

Monday, August 07, 2006

Happy Birthday David Duchovny

You used to be my PCB, but the you went and got married ON MY BIRTHDAY! I forgave you, but still, why don't you love me?

Tuesday, August 01, 2006


I made this new banner background for my blog and if I ever figure out how to get it up there...I'm golden!

If it's not one thing...

I just broke my chair at work.

(I don't know the proper terms for chair parts, so bear with me.)

I had a really nice (when it was new six years ago!) high-back, leather, executive chair (the best chair $79 will buy!) that I had to swap with a different, not-quite-as-good chair because the leather chair wouldn't slide under the desk unless I dropped it down and then it felt like I was squatting to do my work. The lesser chair worked okay because I could adjust the arms independent of the seat. Downside? It didn't have a high back. So no leaning back in the chair with my feet on my desk thinking executive thoughts.

This morning, I was trying to lean back in my chair and it wouldn't lean at all! I got down on the floor and saw that the back of the chair was adjustable and it was adjusted all the way down so the metal thingie was hitting the legs and not letting the chair recline. I unscrewed the big screw thingie and lifted the back waaayyy up. Woot! But then? I screwed the big screw thingie back in, sat down, reclined back and CRACK! The thing that holds the metal thingie on the back broke. Great.

I went down to our big room of storage and found a high-backed, not-leather chair and wheeled it down to my office. Good news? I can slide it under the desk without squatting. Bad news? It squeaks. Every-stinkin'-time I move. Squeak. Squeak.


In other news...

Guess who the Commander got to meet? George Jefferson! How cool is that? He was singing with the Army bands the other night and the Commander was the official Army representative, complete with VIP seating along with some U.S. Consulate people. Sherman came out and chatted with them before the show and then they got to go backstage after the concert.


Last, but not least...

Happy Birthday Kendall.

I miss seeing you and James having your smokes every morning when I come around the corner of your building. The morning after the crash, I didn't want to walk around that corner, but I knew that I had to. It was very hard. James was still there. We hugged. And cried. And cried some more.

Little things remind me of you. Kool Super Longs and chickens mostly. I still yell, "TAKE A PICTURE OF MMME!" and crave the Supah Longs when I have a beer.

I had a really hard time with you dying. I didn't want to go to your service. But while I was there, I saw E.B. and Donna in the narthex and E.B. said, "That crazy Kendall." and things changed. That was it in a nutshell. Crazy Kendall. You would go and so something like that. It lightened my heart.

So today, on what would have been your 44th birthday, I wipe the tears from my eyes and say, "Chickens *still* make lousy housepets."