Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Stare Down

Back before Christmas, I was needing to go buy a new Christmas tree and some other things for the house. I was looking on Lowe's Home Improvement website and saw that if you purchased $100 in gift cards on one receipt, you got a voucher for two free tickets to go see "Night at The Museum". I figured I was going to spend at least that much so I went to Lowe's and bought $100 in gift cards. (I went back the next day and used them to get the tree.) I went on line and filled out all of the info and downloaded my voucher for the tickets.

The voucher expires at the end of this month so last Wednesday, me and the boy decided to go to the movie.

I waited in line for quite a long time. I finally get to the front, slide the voucher over and tell him I need two for "Night". He picks up the voucher and says, "We can't take these."


I told him the web site said they did. Then he started giving me this sob story about how they didn't have a credit card thing and that they had no way to run the voucher and they had called Lowe's and told them not to be giving them out and blah, blah, blah.

Commence the stare down.

Me: {{{Stare}}}
Him: Uh...
Me: {{{Stare with an eyebrow lift}}}
Him: Uh...
Me: {{{More staring}}}
Him: Uh...okay.

We have a winner!

Don't underestimate the power of a stare. And don't be the first to speak. First to speak = loser of the stare down.

Go and use this info wisely, Grasshopper. Only for good, not for evil.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I have a good radio face.

I spent some quality time working in radio so these are funny to me. To you? Maybe not so much...

You know you're an Aging Radio Guy/Girl when...

You were first hired by a GM who actually worked in radio before becoming a GM.

Radio stations were no place for kids.

You excitedly turn the radio up at the sound of "dead air" on the competitor's station.

Sales guys wore Old Spice to cover the smell of liquor.

Engineers could actually fix things without sending them back to the Manufacturer.

You worked for only ONE station, and you could name the guy who owned it.

Radio stations used to have enough on-air talent to field a softball team every summer.

You used to smoke in a radio station and nobody cared.

Engineers always had the worst body odor, not because they worked too hard, but because they just didn't shower that often.

You know the difference between good reel-to-reel tape and cheap reel-to-reel tape.

Religious radio stations were locally owned, run by an old Protestant minister and his wife, never had more than 20 listeners at any given time, and still made money.

You have a white wax pencil, a razor blade, and a spool of 3M splicing tape in your desk drawer - - just in case.

You can post a record, run down the hall, go to the bathroom, and be back in 2:50 for the segue.

You knew exactly where to put the tone on the end of a carted song.

You only did "make-goods" if the client complained. Otherwise, who cares?

You can remember the name of the very first "girl" that was hired in your market as a DJ.

Somebody would say, "You have a face for radio", and it was still funny.

Sixty percent of your wardrobe has a station logo on it.

You always had a screwdriver in the studio so you could take a fouled-up cart apart at a moment's notice.

You always had a solution for an LP that 'skipped'.

You would spend hours splicing and editing a parody tape until it was "just right", but didn't care how bad that commercial was you recorded. Hey, I can only work with what they give me, right?

You still refer to CDs as "records".

Your family thinks you're successful, but you know better.

You played practical jokes on the air without fear of lawsuits.

You answer your home phone with the station call letters.

You used to fight with the news guy over air-time. After all, what was more important: your joke , or that tornado warning?

You knew how to change the ribbon on the teletype machine, but you hated to do it because "...that's the news guy's job."

You know at least 2 people in sales that take credit for you keeping your job.

You have several old air-check cassettes in a cardboard box in your closet that you wouldn't dream of letting anyone hear anymore, but, you'll never throw them out or tape over them. Never!

You can still see scars on your finger when you got cut using a razor blade and cleaned out the cut with head-cleaning alcohol and an extra long cotton swab on a wooden stick.

You still have dreams of a song running out and not being able to find the control room door.

You've ever told a listener "Yeah. I'll get that right on for you."

You have a couple of old transistor radios around the house with corroded batteries inside them.

People who ride in your car exclaim, "Why is your radio so loud?"

You remember when promotion men brought new LP's to the station – and you played them the same day.

You have at least 19 pictures of you with famous people whom you haven't seen since, and wouldn't know you today if you bit 'em on the ass.

You wish you could have been on "Name! That Tune" because you would have won a million bucks. You even REMEMBER "Name That Tune".

You were a half an hour late for an appearance and blamed it on the directions you received from the sales person.

You've run a phone contest and nobody called, so you made up a name and gave the tickets to your cousin.

You remember when people actually thought radio was important

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Hello there. Have we met?

Aaarrrggghhh! The pain. Abdominal muscles? Who knew I had them? Triceps? Vaguely familiar.

The ice, she is a cruel woman. Chop, chop, hack, hack, shovel, shovel. Repeat. Repeatedly.

I haven't fell on my buttocks (yet). I have been wearing my Yaktrax like crazy. Matt used them the other day when the boys* were sledding (In our front yard! I have video I will try to post.) and then tried to borrow them. I. Think. Not. I gave him some money and he went and got the last pair at the Summit.

*I snuck out later when no one was around and tried some sledding myself. I don't belly flop as well as I used to. And? I almost hit a pecan tree. I managed to turn sideways and roll off enough to drag my shin and kneecap to stop me. I don't recommend that procedure.

Up to 14" of snow projected for this weekend. On top of the 3"+ of ice still sitting. Yuck. The kids haven't had school at all this week and next week isn't looking too good either.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Business Socks!

We withdrew our offer on the house in Iowa. It had some problems and the owners didn't want to work with us on them.

Oh well.

Let's get down to business!

Safety Tip

Fun and practical.

Monday, January 08, 2007

"I can't find my parents."

I heard those words last week and it made my heart hurt.

On the way home from "up north", we stopped at a rest stop on the Kansas turnpike for gas, restroom, and food.

While I was waiting for our food, I noticed a boy about 9 years old talking to Matthew. Matt had an odd look on his face so I wandered over to see what was up.

"I can't find my parents."

Matt offered his phone to call them. The boy started giving the phone number and I asked him what the area code was. He didn't know. I asked him where he was from and he said Kansas City. I know the Wichita area code, but not so much Kansas City. Then he told me they didn't have a cell phone.

I asked him what kind of car they were in. He told me a minivan. What kind? He didn't know. It was green and had a Carmax tag on the front. Were they getting gas? No, just stopped to use the restroom. I had him make another lap around the outside of the building to double check and he still couldn't find them.

I took the boy to the gas station side of the rest stop and told the manager what was going on. She sat him down behind the counter with her to wait.

We got our food and started to leave, but my heart was so going out to this boy, I had to go back and check on him.

He was still sitting there.

I asked him if he was headed home or somewhere else. He said they were headed home. I told the manager to call the Highway Patrol and let them know what was going on. She said okay and as I left, she was taking down his name and address (which he didn't know).

Parents, please count your kids before driving off. Have them learn the make of your car. Write it down and stick it in their pockets when you travel. Anything to help them if they are lost.

I don't want my heart hurting again.

Friday, January 05, 2007

But of course...

In the year 2007 I resolve to:
Get further into debt.

Get your resolution here.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Kermit Drive Update

(Actually, Cursing Mama, it is on Avenue A, but I'm going with Kermit Drive 'cause you crack me up too.)

Well, our offer was accepted contingent on the house inspection and financing.

Sad news though. The owner gave the shuffle board table away. I almost told the agent to take back the offer! Seriously, don't let people look at the house and then give stuff away. Sheesh. Those things aren't cheap.

So I'll be closer to the Mall of America and Jake's Pizza. Woo and then Hoo!

But I'll be farther away from my friends and family. Boo and then hoo.

I guess I still have 18 months or so to say adieu to you and you and you.

BTW, any one skilled in interior design?

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

I love the 70's.

The Commander is going to retire in a year and a half or so and we have been looking up north for a house to retire to. We finally found one we both like. I don't know when it was built, but in its day, it was a looker. There are so many 1970's aspects to it. Including, but not limited to....

Green Flocked wallpaper!

Green carpeting!

Brown kitchen laminate!

With built-ins!

Plus, a billiard table and a shuffle board table! (and space in the basement to finally have my media room 'cause I love the 2000's too!) With lime green walls!


Here she is. In all of her green-ness.