Ask Miss Adventure

Dear Miss Adventure,
If you put a can of Mug Root Beer in your freezer to chill it for use later in a blended root beer float and then decide not to have said float and forget to remove the can from the freezer, is there a good chance the can will get a little hole in it during the night and spin around inside the freezer spraying root beer in every direction so that when you come downstairs in the morning you notice some brown goo has leaked down out of the ice dispenser and onto the front of your fridge?
FloatLvr

Dear FloatLvr,
Yes.
Miss Adventure

Dear Miss Adventure,
If you turn on the outside faucet to start putting water into your new pool and about an hour later when your son goes out to check on it and yells in the back door, "Mom! The hose isn't in the pool!", how much water do you think you have wasted?
PoolGal

Dear PoolGal,
A lot.
Miss Adventure

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If it's Thursday, it must be 13.

Thirteen (of the many) Photos of Sherrypg's Bright Boy . Today is Bright Boy's last day of Kindergarten. Here are a few of my favorite photos of the little guy. 1. Welcome to the world Little (?) Man! All 9 lbs., 11 oz., 23 in. of you! 2. It's hot you see... 3. Stylin with the bunny. 4. The Fall Guy. 5. You may address him as "Chef". 6. Aaargh. 7. Walking the Mighty Mississip. 8. Jack makes me invincible. 9. Ohhhh...too much jack.... 10. Remind me again how holding a pointy stick that is on fire is fun? 11. He loves tubing. 12. First day of Pre-K 13. First day of Kindergarten

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I gotta be me.

ACCENT: Southernish
BIBLE BOOK I LIKE: Leviticus
CHORE I DON'T CARE FOR: Dishes.
DOG OR CAT: Cat
ESSENTIAL ELECTRONICS: Work – Computer, Home – Radio/CD player
FAVORITE COLOGNE: Emeraude (It never lets me forget I’m a woman.)
GOLD OR SILVER: Silver
HANDBAG I CARRY MOST OFTEN: Don’t carry one. Unless I’m getting’ on my fancy britches what don’t got pockets.
INSOMNIA: Sometimes. I went a spell where I was getting about three hours of sleep a night. I don’t recommend it.
JOB TITLE: Television Producer/Director
KIDS: Yes.
LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: 2 story, 4 bed, 2.5 bath, living room, family room, formal dining room, breakfast nook, 2 car garage on 6 acres. Wanna buy it?
MOST ADMIRABLE TRAIT: I’m a giver.
NAUGHTIEST CHILDHOOD BEHAVIOR: Need some help here relatives. What did I do?
OVERNIGHT HOSPITAL STAYS: Appendix, Brain scans, Childbirth
PHOBIAS: Pitch black
QUOTE: If you don’t get anything else out of this internship – Apple S!
RELIGION: Presbyterian
SIBLINGS: Nope
TIME I WAKE UP: Wake up – 6:12am Get up – 6:30am (See? Two 9 minute snoozes.)
UNUSUAL TALENT OR SKILL: I can say words when I belch.
LOVE: Yes
VEGETABLE I REFUSE TO EAT: Cauliflower
WORST HABIT: I’m bossy. I’m working on it though!
XRAYS: Left knee, left ankle, left wrist, head, teeth,
YUMMY STUFF I COOK: Meatloaf, Mashed Potatoes, Chicken Pot Pie, Scotcharoos
ZOO ANIMAL I LIKE MOST: Tigers

I'm not camera shy.

See what a goof I am at work? You can't see the whole thing, but trust me, I'm goofy.

I am...

I AM: Wondering if we could be on “Vacation Home Search” with a budget of only $50,000?

I SAID: I would call and pay for the first night cabin rental at Possum Kingdom Lake. I need to get on that, don't I?

I WANT: It to be six months from now so we would know where the Commander is gonna be.

I WISH: I had a nickel. I’d tell you what I’d do. I’d spend it all for candy and give the bag to you. ‘Cause that’s how much I love you, Baby. (My dad used to always sing this song.)

I HATE: That I sweat. Badly. And it takes for freakin’ ever to stop it once I start. Quite embarrassing. I also hate liars and pitch black.

I MISS: Frasier and Seinfeld and 3rd Rock.

I FEAR: That the Army is going to keep the Commander down there another year.

I HEAR: Actually all I hear is my computer humming and the woosh of the air coming out of the AC vent. Wait! My co-worker just cleared his throat.

I WONDER: If we would ever be able to afford a house on the water. The 8 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms, 2 kitchens, basketball court, gym, and 2 boat docks cabin is a little out of our price range.

I REGRET: Not playing with my boy as much as I should.

I AM NOT: Mowing the south part of our land. I’m only one person! I spread four buckets of wildflower seeds out there.

I DANCE: If I want to. We can leave your friends behind.
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance,
Well they're no friends of mine.
I say, we can go where we want to.
A place where they will never find.
And we can act like we come from out of this world;
Leave the real one far behind.
And we can dance

I SING: Horribly, but I still sing.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: Patient.

I MADE: Glass paperweights out of molten glass. I took some glass-blowing classes. I suck at blowing glass (I hurt my ear), but I can make the coolest paperweights.

I WRITE: About as well as I sing.

I CONFUSE: East and West. I have to think “Where is California?” and everything else is pretty much in relation to that answer. (California is in the West in case you were thinking “Where IS California?”)

I NEED: New jeans. My Nervous Wreck diet is making my jeans too big.

I SHOULD: But I won’t.

I START: Cleaning, but where do I put all the crap? Anyone want to help me have a garage sale?

I FINISH: In the top three. (Without trying.)

I BELIEVE: I will now drive the co-worker bonkers by playing the Safety Dance repeatedly. And at a high volume. Heheheheh.

I KNOW: I’m better than some most people. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty much perfect. You people need to step up to the plate.

I CAN: Cook. Make a noise like a dripping faucet with my mouth. Take be-you-te-ful photos. Ride a motorcycle. Sit on my ass. Read and write (v. important, that one). Annoy the hell out of you (v. good at that). Make a square paper balloon. Wrap gifts. Hit a softball. Make a snow angel. Cuss like a sailor. Float on my back in the water. Say words when I burp. Wiggle my nose.

I CAN’T: Play a musical instrument. I hate that.

I SEE: My socks. I take my shoes off at work quite often.

I BLOG: To entertain my friends and family. And to make new friends.

I READ: As much as possible! It’s my escape.

I AM AROUSED BY: The area on your neck where it starts curving down to your shoulder? Kiss that and I’m yours forever.

IT PISSES ME OFF: That people who are total shits get away with it and people like us (good to the bone) have to put up with them.

I FIND: That I can run into the store to buy dog food and underwear and end up buying dog food, two packs of underwear, three new sets of pajamas, a pair of capris, and six new tops.

I LIKE: Rain. The sound of car tires on a gravel. Arby’s. Bubble baths.

I LOVE: My goofy, but loveable family. Reading. Sleeping.

Thursday 13

Thirteen (of the many) Mad Skilz Sherrypg has. 1. Throw a spiral pass. 2. Identify a poisonous snake. 3. Crack an egg with one hand. 4. Blow soap bubbles with my thumb and finger. 5. Multiply by nine on my fingers. 6. Count to 31 on one hand. 7. Write backward. 8. Treat a bee sting. 9. Roller skate. 10. Eat spaghetti like an Italian. (Vinny taught me. He also taught me to make edible gravy (instead of the wallpaper paste I tend to make) and how to keep my hair from flying all over when I have my car window down.) 11. Catch a penny off of my elbow. 12. Lose like a winner. 13. Cut a hole in an 8.5” X 11” piece of paper big enough to step through. Strewth. Do YOU have mad skilz?

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Slackers!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking ten miles to school every morning . . . uphill BOTH ways . . through year 'round blizzards. . . barefoot. . . Carrying their younger siblings on their backs . . . to their one-room schoolhouse, where they maintained a Straight-A average, despite their full- time, after-school job at the local textile mill . . . where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to tell my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! ! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter . . . with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up!

We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea ! who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, a collections agent - you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! There was no channel surfing! You had to get off the couch and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little brats!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a fire. Imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot. That's exactly what I'm talking about!

You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled.

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!!!!!

Look all around, there's nothing but blue skies

Why is this song is stuck in my head? Is it a premonition that things are gonna get better? 'Cause seriously? If things get worse, I may have to pull a Bree and check myself in. (And if you don't get that reference, you are missing out.)

Dear Commander,
For future reference, on your wife's birthday when she asks, "Where's my presents?", it's best to not get a deer in the headlights look on your face and start stammering. I'm just saying.
Me

Dear Bonus Son,
For future reference, refer to the Commander's note above AND when left home alone to receive a delivery from the Commander to his wife the Friday before Mother's Day and the phone rings? ANSWER IT! Because if they can't find your road, they can't deliver the goods. I'm just saying.
Me

It's gonna be a bright, bright sun-shiny day.

Seriously?

Hey, Honey? Suck on a mint and blow into this for me, will ya?

Thursday Thirteen and Visual Perception Challenge

Thirteen of Sherrypg's birthday buddies. 1. 1961 - George Clooney, Lexington, Kentucky, actor, Dr. Douglas Ross-ER, Batman 2. 1961 - Roma Downey, Derry Ire, actress, 1 Life to Live, Touched by an Angel 3. 1959 - Aidan Quinn, actor, Avalon, Crusoe, Desperately Seeking Susan 4. 1953 - Tony Blair, British Prime Minister, Labour 5. 1947 - Richard "Dick" Fosbury, Portland, Oregon, high jumper, Oly-gold-68 6. 1945 - Bob Seger, Dearborn, Michigan, folk singer, Silver Bullet Band 7. 1931 - Willie Mays, baseball centerfielder, "Say Hey Kid", 660 HRs, MVP 1954 8. 1915 - Orson Welles, Kenosha, Wisconsin, actor, Citizen Kane, War of the Worlds 9. 1913 - Stewart Granger, London, actor, Prisoner of Zenda 10. 1898 - Daniel Gerber, Freemont, Michigan, beloved by babies at mealtime 11. 1895 - Rudolph Valentino, Castellaneta, Italy, sheik/actor, Eagle 12. 1856 - Robert Edwin Peary, U.S., arctic explorer, North Pole-Apr 6 1909 13. 1856 - Sigmund Freud, Austria, cigar smoker, father of psychology Who are your birthday buddies?

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Here is a visual perception challenge for you.
See how quickly you can find the dogs in the picture in the attached JPG file.
Read the text below before looking at the picture.
Typical comments by people taking the test:

1. "I couldn't see any dogs and I stared at the picture for a good 10 minutes.
2. "I think it is one of those pictures where you have to stare at a certain spot and then everything comes into focus, but it never happened to me. I'll give another try later."
3. "I almost didn't find the dogs at all!"
4. "There is a dog in this picture? Where?"
5. "This must be a joke; there are no dogs in this picture."

Men seem to do better at this than women, for some reason.
The following are average times for men and women:

> Women - 12.46 minutes
> Men - 1.23 seconds

Hint: The dogs appear to be white with black spots.
Good luck and happy hunting.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Every month, hundred of troops and civilians load up on planes for *very* long plane rides across the ocean. Before they load up, they are given the opportunity to browse a couple of book cases in the Commander's office and to choose a book to take with them.

The pickings are getting slim.

I cleaned out my book cases at home and sent a bunch to help stock the shelves. (Oddly enough, chick lit wasn't a huge hit with the world travelers.)

So here's my pitch...Read any good books lately? Wanna donate some to the cause? Leave a comment or e-mail me and I can let you know more.

Spread the word.

(Bonus son is planning on doing a book drive for his Eagle Project later in the year, but they need some now.)

You must give some time to your fellow men. Even if it's a little thing, do something for others - something for which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it. - Albert Schweitzer

The Commander sent this to me.

If you give Mom a muffin,
She'll want a cup of coffee to go with it,
She'll pour herself some.
Her three year old will spill the coffee.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor, she'll find dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan for supper.
She'll get out a pound of hamburger.
She'll look for her cookbook, ("101 Things to do With a Pound of Hamburger").
The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.
She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.
She will look for her checkbook.
The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.
She'll smell something funny.
She'll change the two year old's diaper.
While she is changing the diaper, the phone will ring.
Her five year old will answer and hang up.
She'll remember she wants to phone a friend for coffee.
Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.
And chances are... If she has a cup of coffee,
Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it

Author unknown.

How to ruin your child's day in three easy words...

The Three Tenors

Our library has some bookshelves in the lobby where they put stuff they have for sale. It used to be just books and magazines, but now they have added video tapes and CDs. I bought (brand new!) The Three Tenors CD "The Three Tenors in Concert" and The Monks of Silos "The Mystery of Santo Domingo de Silos". I popped the Tenors into the CD player in the car and off we went.

(Evidently these CDs cause excruciating pain and possible bleeding from the ears of young, male children.)

Bright Boy - Are you going to listen to *all* of the songs?
Me - Yes.
BB - (Huge Sigh)
Me - I'll probably end up taking it up to work and leaving it up there.
BB - GOOD!